You do? I don’t!

“He doesn’t want to marry anyone. I’m breaking up with him”. On a Sunday morning an sms like that from my friend was enough to jolt me out of my sleep.

As I spoke to her I realized that here was one more guy running away from commitment, marriage and the works. And was he afraid? Maybe, but he just wanted to do his own thing, travel whenever he felt like it, write a book, not compromise on his Sunday squash, and hold on to his boys night outs.

Another friend met someone who is also afraid of commitment. He likes to think of himself as the reckless, free spirited guy, in the market for a fling but not for the long haul. But that doesn’t stop him from flirting with her, while she always knows at the back of her mind that he will never commit.

But as I heard my friends tell me about these men, I found myself wondering why some men are afraid of commitment.

Do they want to keep their options open? Maybe it isn’t easy being a one woman guy, and not everyone can resist the temptation of cheating. I have even heard some men say, that they didn’t want to settle for less before they had seen what’s out there.

Do they think they will have to give up their freedom? Giving minute by minute updates of their whereabouts isn’t easy unless it’s on Facebook.

They love their boy gang too much? Nor do they want to give up on their frequent boys’ nights out. Being in a serious relationship sometimes does cut down on the time you have for your other friends.

They love themselves too much? Like my friend’s boyfriend who has too many of his own unfinished agendas in his schedule to fit in time for love.

The more I thought about the above reasons; it was as if a bulb lit in my head. This is not the way I would want my man to feel. That I nag him, keep him away from his boys’ nights out, and to top it all, he thinks he can do better by waiting? That’s not the kind of relationship I would wish for myself or any of my friends.

When two people are meant to be, and are in complete harmony with each other, the issue of commitment doesn’t arise. Why would you argue about whether to commit, when you want to spend the rest of your life together? And if you are arguing, you clearly want different things out of life. In which case, you should part ways.

I am tempted to think of commitment phobia as an excuse that guys give when they don’t really love you. So if your guy says he can’t commit, send him roses a la Munnabhai, wish him the best in life, and move on girl!

Send him love, so that when he meets his someone special later in life, he will commit. But take him out of your life, like you would a piece of furniture that doesn’t go with the whole décor. It may seem like a comfortable sofa, but it just doesn’t complete the big picture that you want.

And for my girlfriends, who are the most beautiful women I know, don’t lose hope. Remember that Mr. Right is waiting for you somewhere down the road. And the journey to him is fraught with meeting many Mr. Wrongs! Believe me, he will be worth the wait.

And if you are a guy who is reading this, and are genuinely commitment phobic, we will pray for you to recover soon!