Twisted....

Twisted

I love you, but I don’t want to live with you.

I like you, but not enough to fulfill my vow.

I hate you, but not enough to cut you out of my life.

I despise you, but not enough to move on with mine.

Twisted, bound, our lives are entwined.

The harder I let go, the firmer the knot.

Black and white is how it should be,

But all that exist are shades of grey.

What is right, and what is wrong?

Maybe nothing and everything all at once.

I wake up in the morning, and still miss you.

I want to update you of everything important in my life..

But twisted we are, cause I still don’t want to fight.

I don’t want to fight for our love..

For what it once was and what it could be one day..

People ask me, What happened to you both?

The ideal couple that couldn’t live up to its perfect image..

We were never perfect, always twisted.

Older and wiser, Now I know what we were,

I know we could never be, what we had set out to become.

Foolhardy, naïve, and all that we were.

Why didn’t we accept that we were not meant to be?

Hanging by a thread, we continued for eternity,

Till that frail thread that held us, almost snapped.

And now we are right where we began…

Working too hard to keep the thread whole,

Secretly hoping it breaks off on its own.

I love you, but I don’t want to live with you.

I like you, but not enough to fulfill my vow.

I hate you, but not enough to cut you out of my life.

I despise you, but not enough to move on with mine.

      Twisted is what we are, You and me.

 Still together and yet afar.

With love to Ma and Baba

For Ma, Baba.....
For every one who is a Mom and Dad..


You took me in each time and gave me shelter from the rain,
You shielded me as much as you could from all life's pain

No matter how far I was or how old I grew
I knew I could always come running to you

You never asked me how long I would stay
And when I decided to go you let me fly away

You smiled as I flew away despite my fears
I wonder where did you hide your tears

I know one day, you might shed your super power cape
I somehow want to that reality escape

I wonder if I have the strength to be the kind of parent you are
You just inspire me to keep raising the bar

Life gave me to you one day...
That day when you took me in for the first time
How difficult it must have been for you to give me back to life....

And although I fly away today, I take a bit of you with me..
I try to be the person you always wanted me to be..

I"ll be back soon, I tell you..
And not to seek shelter from the rain
It will be my turn to shield you from all the pain..
You say , I pray that day doesn't come..when you take over my job .
I smile and cry all at once, and count my blessings too

For You took me in each time...
And yet so easily you give me back to life..

A rhyme for my valentine........

To my Valentine….

We met when we shared a car…

Our friendship deepened as we hit the bar

I was the driver, and you the navigator…

Although sometimes I dropped you mid-road and said, “See you later”

Over Chinese dinners, and midnight coffees,

We discussed about distributors, primaries and secondaries

And then for what seemed like an eternity we lost each other..

But, Cupid stepped in, and we were together..

When did love blossom , I still wonder

Was it when friendship was making us stronger?

Today four little hands and feet fill the space between us

There’s no time for just “US” I always say  and make a fuss!

And  just then you steal a kiss, a loving glance, a smile

And when I break down, you carry me the extra mile..

Just when I give up on your romantic side,

You sweep me off my feet and become mine..

So, cheers to us, My Valentine..

I know you are mine through rain or sunshine…

 

Here's wishing everyone a very Happy Valentine's day!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tiny Teachers

I first wrote this piece when Advay was two years old. Somehow, i wasnt able to find the right words to finish it, and was never happy with the ending. And yesterday, it all came together. I realised that Arjun made the ending happy and complete..

Read on..


A whirlwind romance, followed by a quick engagement and marriage and we began our lives together. Life continued in the fast lane, and soon after, I was pregnant. We were thrilled beyond belief.

Were we ready for a child? How would we manage? We never thought about those things.

As we waited for his arrival, we thought of the numerous things we would teach him. 

Our life turned around 360 degrees after Advay was born.  We got home on time, saved up money to buy a new house and spent more time with each other.  Our business designations took a backseat, as we tried to live up to our new designations.

We learnt to treasure little moments; his first smile,  signs that his fever was going away, and his first words.

We learnt that we could do far more than we were capable of. He brought out the best in us.

We learnt that there was life beyond work, and found out who we really were.

We learnt what life was all about, when our tiny teacher showed up.

After 6 fun years of learning, another tiny teacher, Arjun arrived. Our lessons with him started right after his birth. A minor complication sent him to the ICU directly.

We tapped into inner reservoirs of strength, when he slept alone on his first night in this world.

We learnt patience and trust as we waited eagerly for him to be with us.

As he grows a little every day, he is teaching us a lot more.

He is teaching us to smile, for no reason in the whole world.

As we see him try again to roll over, we are learning never to give up.

As he cries loudly, and suddenly starts to smile after seeing his favourite toy, we are learning that we too can smile more often.

As both our tiny teachers play with each other, we are learning that our true joy comes from giving, nurturing and building a life.

So, to our tiny teachers, and our beloved sons; You wont be tiny for long, but you will always be our teachers, and the lessons learnt will stay deep in our hearts forever.

 

Once upon a time.....

Once upon a time we met

Fell in love and walked into the sunset.

I made a promise to love you foreve

r In my life there would be no other man ever..

Time went by and I stuck to my promise

Until one day I felt that first kiss

He looked into my eyes and Made me melt

It was unlike anything I had felt

His warm embrace, his soft touch

They seemed to tell me " I love you so much"

He brought out the best in me

I became more than I could ever be.

I did things for him I'd never do for you..

I think sometimes I ignored you too..

Until one day I knew I was not just your wife

You weren't the only man in my life.....

Just when I thought two were enough

In walked in another charmer to make life tough..

One look at him and it was love at first sight..

He made me spend many a sleepless night..

With my hands full now, and no time free,

I juggle not one, not two but men three!

I don't think I ever can Of the three choose my favorite man

Each of you are a part of me.

Amrit, Advay and Arjun, you complete me...

Through My Father's eyes....

When I slaved away in office, and reached home late at night,
I wondered how your day was, but could only see your closed eyes.

I watched your mother feed you each morsel everyday.
And smiled when you ran to me, as soon as it was time to play.

I know, I was not the one you shared your secrets with.
But I cherished every moment when you asked me,"How do i do this?"

I felt a pang when you told your mom, "I have found my man."
I hid my tears when you said, "And he is just like Dad."

I tell myself every now and then, the story of how you were born.
As I looked at myself through your eyes, I became a better man.

And she was left behind......

She was getting ready to go to work and glanced at the calendar. It was the 1st of July. How could she forget? It seemed like a normal day. It had seemed that way a year back too. But the day was far from ordinary. Her life wasn’t the same ever again.

She went back to that fateful day. It had been a routine for the last year. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t stop herself from the flashback that replayed in her mind. Could she have done anything to prevent it?

Would she have believed somebody if they had told her how the day was to turn out? She might have laughed at the idea? Or maybe cried?

What if she hadn’t left the room just then? What if she had taken better care? But there were no answers. The emptiness continued to eat her everyday.

She had wept beside him not wanting to be left behind. They had been inseparable all these years. Couldn’t he have taken her too?

She remembered how she had broken the news to her daughter, and how they had taken turns in being strong. All they had was each other now.

Not a day went by when she questioned him. Why did you leave me behind? Why didn’t you take me too?

She remembered how his laughter would resound in the house, and how she kept expecting him to wake up and announce that he was only joking.

As they had taken the last remains of his body, her daughter had cried, “We lost the best man in the whole world Mom, we lost him.”

She was shaken out of her reverie by the clock chiming nine. It was time to leave.
As had become her daily conversation routine with him, she stood in front of his photograph.” How are you? Do you think of me often? How could you leave me behind? Why? Why? “And she sobbed uncontrollably.

Her body was shivering involuntarily, and she didn’t know what to do. Suddenly, she felt surging warmth through her entire being. She could smell his perfume, and she had the distinct feeling of being held.

She felt her tears dry up, and a renewed strength within. Her daughter called her while she was in the cab. “Mom, I miss him.” And as she consoled her daughter, she heard a voice in her heart which said. “I left you behind for her my dear, and I miss you too”


Epilogue:
My uncle passed away this day last year due to a sudden heart attack, and I have countless memories of him, his laughter, and his ever helpful ways. He was just short of his 60th birthday. His smile was infectious, and he had love in his heart for everyone. Rarely seen angry, he was the epitome of positivity. An IIT Mumbai alumnus, he was not just brainy but extremely business savvy as well. I hadn’t spoken to him for a long time before he passed away. I kept thinking I would do it, and the day never came. I still regret that. So this one’s for you Raju Kaka. You are remembered and truly missed. And for Baby Atya and Aparna, remember that he’s watching over both you and is extremely proud!