You do? I don’t!

“He doesn’t want to marry anyone. I’m breaking up with him”. On a Sunday morning an sms like that from my friend was enough to jolt me out of my sleep.

As I spoke to her I realized that here was one more guy running away from commitment, marriage and the works. And was he afraid? Maybe, but he just wanted to do his own thing, travel whenever he felt like it, write a book, not compromise on his Sunday squash, and hold on to his boys night outs.

Another friend met someone who is also afraid of commitment. He likes to think of himself as the reckless, free spirited guy, in the market for a fling but not for the long haul. But that doesn’t stop him from flirting with her, while she always knows at the back of her mind that he will never commit.

But as I heard my friends tell me about these men, I found myself wondering why some men are afraid of commitment.

Do they want to keep their options open? Maybe it isn’t easy being a one woman guy, and not everyone can resist the temptation of cheating. I have even heard some men say, that they didn’t want to settle for less before they had seen what’s out there.

Do they think they will have to give up their freedom? Giving minute by minute updates of their whereabouts isn’t easy unless it’s on Facebook.

They love their boy gang too much? Nor do they want to give up on their frequent boys’ nights out. Being in a serious relationship sometimes does cut down on the time you have for your other friends.

They love themselves too much? Like my friend’s boyfriend who has too many of his own unfinished agendas in his schedule to fit in time for love.

The more I thought about the above reasons; it was as if a bulb lit in my head. This is not the way I would want my man to feel. That I nag him, keep him away from his boys’ nights out, and to top it all, he thinks he can do better by waiting? That’s not the kind of relationship I would wish for myself or any of my friends.

When two people are meant to be, and are in complete harmony with each other, the issue of commitment doesn’t arise. Why would you argue about whether to commit, when you want to spend the rest of your life together? And if you are arguing, you clearly want different things out of life. In which case, you should part ways.

I am tempted to think of commitment phobia as an excuse that guys give when they don’t really love you. So if your guy says he can’t commit, send him roses a la Munnabhai, wish him the best in life, and move on girl!

Send him love, so that when he meets his someone special later in life, he will commit. But take him out of your life, like you would a piece of furniture that doesn’t go with the whole décor. It may seem like a comfortable sofa, but it just doesn’t complete the big picture that you want.

And for my girlfriends, who are the most beautiful women I know, don’t lose hope. Remember that Mr. Right is waiting for you somewhere down the road. And the journey to him is fraught with meeting many Mr. Wrongs! Believe me, he will be worth the wait.

And if you are a guy who is reading this, and are genuinely commitment phobic, we will pray for you to recover soon!

And she was left behind......

She was getting ready to go to work and glanced at the calendar. It was the 1st of July. How could she forget? It seemed like a normal day. It had seemed that way a year back too. But the day was far from ordinary. Her life wasn’t the same ever again.

She went back to that fateful day. It had been a routine for the last year. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t stop herself from the flashback that replayed in her mind. Could she have done anything to prevent it?

Would she have believed somebody if they had told her how the day was to turn out? She might have laughed at the idea? Or maybe cried?

What if she hadn’t left the room just then? What if she had taken better care? But there were no answers. The emptiness continued to eat her everyday.

She had wept beside him not wanting to be left behind. They had been inseparable all these years. Couldn’t he have taken her too?

She remembered how she had broken the news to her daughter, and how they had taken turns in being strong. All they had was each other now.

Not a day went by when she questioned him. Why did you leave me behind? Why didn’t you take me too?

She remembered how his laughter would resound in the house, and how she kept expecting him to wake up and announce that he was only joking.

As they had taken the last remains of his body, her daughter had cried, “We lost the best man in the whole world Mom, we lost him.”

She was shaken out of her reverie by the clock chiming nine. It was time to leave.
As had become her daily conversation routine with him, she stood in front of his photograph.” How are you? Do you think of me often? How could you leave me behind? Why? Why? “And she sobbed uncontrollably.

Her body was shivering involuntarily, and she didn’t know what to do. Suddenly, she felt surging warmth through her entire being. She could smell his perfume, and she had the distinct feeling of being held.

She felt her tears dry up, and a renewed strength within. Her daughter called her while she was in the cab. “Mom, I miss him.” And as she consoled her daughter, she heard a voice in her heart which said. “I left you behind for her my dear, and I miss you too”


Epilogue:
My uncle passed away this day last year due to a sudden heart attack, and I have countless memories of him, his laughter, and his ever helpful ways. He was just short of his 60th birthday. His smile was infectious, and he had love in his heart for everyone. Rarely seen angry, he was the epitome of positivity. An IIT Mumbai alumnus, he was not just brainy but extremely business savvy as well. I hadn’t spoken to him for a long time before he passed away. I kept thinking I would do it, and the day never came. I still regret that. So this one’s for you Raju Kaka. You are remembered and truly missed. And for Baby Atya and Aparna, remember that he’s watching over both you and is extremely proud!