Tiny Teachers

I first wrote this piece when Advay was two years old. Somehow, i wasnt able to find the right words to finish it, and was never happy with the ending. And yesterday, it all came together. I realised that Arjun made the ending happy and complete..

Read on..


A whirlwind romance, followed by a quick engagement and marriage and we began our lives together. Life continued in the fast lane, and soon after, I was pregnant. We were thrilled beyond belief.

Were we ready for a child? How would we manage? We never thought about those things.

As we waited for his arrival, we thought of the numerous things we would teach him. 

Our life turned around 360 degrees after Advay was born.  We got home on time, saved up money to buy a new house and spent more time with each other.  Our business designations took a backseat, as we tried to live up to our new designations.

We learnt to treasure little moments; his first smile,  signs that his fever was going away, and his first words.

We learnt that we could do far more than we were capable of. He brought out the best in us.

We learnt that there was life beyond work, and found out who we really were.

We learnt what life was all about, when our tiny teacher showed up.

After 6 fun years of learning, another tiny teacher, Arjun arrived. Our lessons with him started right after his birth. A minor complication sent him to the ICU directly.

We tapped into inner reservoirs of strength, when he slept alone on his first night in this world.

We learnt patience and trust as we waited eagerly for him to be with us.

As he grows a little every day, he is teaching us a lot more.

He is teaching us to smile, for no reason in the whole world.

As we see him try again to roll over, we are learning never to give up.

As he cries loudly, and suddenly starts to smile after seeing his favourite toy, we are learning that we too can smile more often.

As both our tiny teachers play with each other, we are learning that our true joy comes from giving, nurturing and building a life.

So, to our tiny teachers, and our beloved sons; You wont be tiny for long, but you will always be our teachers, and the lessons learnt will stay deep in our hearts forever.

 

Childhood Memories revisited...

Some memories from childhood stick with us.
We don't know how or why ? Certain images , fragrances , people , instances are not a blur but make themselves felt.

This is my attempt to put them down lest I lose them with the new memories I am making..

 

The shadowed outline of my Nana's head as he waited for me at Pune railway station. I was travelling alone  from Mumbai with my friend and her mom, and was overjoyed to see him at the railway station.
 

The touch of my mom's tummy which I would squeeze and sleep. I would ask her a hundred times as to why I liked it so much. Her answer was always the same," because you came from my tummy"

 

 

The tall tiffin containing loads of my favorite samosas which my dadi would bring for my birthday... I vowed to devour them all but could never succeed.

 

 

The memory of receiving my first watch.- a Swatch. What a feeling!

The fragrance of my Singapore returned Dad's suitcase. It smelt of a land visited far away filled with goodies.

The mole on my Nana's head which he would make us press hard followed by the story of how a crow gave it to him. Each time we heard it, the story felt new.

The ring of our very first telephone at home, and the ensuing fight between me and my brother to pick it up.

The pet names that my dada had for all us grandchildren. It made me feel special!

Sitting with my nani and learning classical singing. She was such a great singer and I was in awe of her.

The sound of my name being called on stage for the very first time for an award. I felt like I had arrived in life.

My nana asking me about my performance in exams. And even when I hadn't done well, him beaming and congratulating me as though I had come first.

 

My legs shaking as I rattled of my speech in a school elocution competition. It was a rush of fear and adrenalin. And I was hooked on to public speaking.

As I finish writing this post, I have so many more that are coming to mind. I find myself smiling. All the tiredness of a day spent looking after two kids has gone away. For these few moments, I was a child again.

What favourite childhood memory comes to your mind as you read this?  What memory will make you smile, and forget your mundane tiring day?

Leave back your replies in the comments section...

 

 

Once upon a time.....

Once upon a time we met

Fell in love and walked into the sunset.

I made a promise to love you foreve

r In my life there would be no other man ever..

Time went by and I stuck to my promise

Until one day I felt that first kiss

He looked into my eyes and Made me melt

It was unlike anything I had felt

His warm embrace, his soft touch

They seemed to tell me " I love you so much"

He brought out the best in me

I became more than I could ever be.

I did things for him I'd never do for you..

I think sometimes I ignored you too..

Until one day I knew I was not just your wife

You weren't the only man in my life.....

Just when I thought two were enough

In walked in another charmer to make life tough..

One look at him and it was love at first sight..

He made me spend many a sleepless night..

With my hands full now, and no time free,

I juggle not one, not two but men three!

I don't think I ever can Of the three choose my favorite man

Each of you are a part of me.

Amrit, Advay and Arjun, you complete me...

My new life…..

31st of Jan was my last working day at Citibank. I had a wonderful day at work. I took in the atmosphere of the office, knowing that my new office would be different. I watched my colleagues laugh, talk, click snaps, knowing that I would miss them. I said Good-bye to my laptop, blackberry, and carried my visiting cards along.
And as I drove from the office for the last time, I cried. With sadness for the friends I left behind. With happiness for the new life I was approaching. As tears flowed, a voice rang loudly, “YOU DID IT, YOU REALLY DID IT!!”
I stopped my car. The realization dawned. I had broken free. I felt like a Caterpillar transforming into a butterfyl. It was painful. It had taken me 3 long years.. It had taken all my strength and more.
I examined my new found wings, wet from the transformation. They felt strange, and I didn’t know what to do with them. And the voice rang again, “YOU ARE READY TO FLY!”
And I flew, drying my tears, racing my car to My new life….
My NEW life…It has more meaning now, as I am also nurturing it within me.
My wings are now dry and I am accustomed to my new body, mind, heart and soul. So what have I discovered in the past 30 days?
I discovered how it feels to not get my salary at the end of the month. And it didn’t feel that bad. :-). Ok it just hurt a bit!!
I have learnt to be my own boss, my own mentor, and my own motivator.
I have learnt to navigate through my own highs and lows of working from home.
I have discovered the joys of being around my son, basking in his radiant glow as I pick him from the school bus.
I have discovered the happiness of going back to my B-school and teaching students. And that it’s neither as easy nor glamorous as it looks.
I have re-discovered the joy of being a student again. To go through the ups and downs of learning, challenges and fun.
I have learnt to relax and let go, and just be.
I have learnt that it’s ok to slow down, sometimes due to my physical health, and sometimes due to my mood swings.
I have learnt that setting up a business takes patience and time.
But most of all what I have learnt is to appreciate each day as it comes. It may be spent in doing something productive or maybe nothing at all. Yet, it serves a purpose, as long as it takes me even one tiny step closer towards my goal.
And yes, to be grateful and honored to have the chance to live my NEW LIFE. It has its challenges, but somehow they seem to melt away. Maybe it's because I never lose sight of WHY I chose my NEW LIFE. Or then again, maybe it chose me.

Experiencing Sai

It was a sharp Tuesday morning in Feb 2011. The cold air and the sounds of birds chirping told me I was not in Mumbai. I was in Pune, at my mom’s place. And today, I was finally going to Shirdi. I had been there as a teen. My friend of more than a decade was joining me, and leaving our respective kids behind with my mom, we were set to make this trip.

We sat in the car, not believing that this day had arrived. We were excited for this long awaited trip. When was it that my faith in Sai Baba had surfaced? In a turbulent period a few months back, at my mom’s suggestion, I had read the Sri Sai Satcharitra. It is a book of Sai Baba’s teachings which is to be read over a period of 9 days. The discipline of sitting every morning for an hour and reading the stories was therapeutic. Before I began reading, I placed my wishes before Baba. I was in turmoil, and he was my only hope.

However, as I started reading the chapters, I felt ashamed of myself. How could I ask for materialistic things? How could I read the life and teachings of Sai Baba with a view to get materialistic gains? And from then, on as I read, I felt my turmoil melt away. I read the book with a growing sense of satisfaction and gratitude for my life. I felt the emotions of each story as though I was there. I read with tears flowing, when Baba left this world for his heavenly abode.
And here I was, finally going. It had taken me 6 months to plan the trip. It didn’t matter now.

Its apparent when you get close to Shirdi, as every hotel, restaurant, shop is prefixed as Sai. We parked our car, and were told that cell-phones were not allowed inside the temple. We decided to hide them, and take them anyway.

As we made our way inside the temple, there were so many questions. How long would the queue take? Would we have a peaceful darshan? Would it be rushed? We were constantly interrupted by the many touts promising to take us inside faster. We had decided to go the normal route, no matter how many hours it took. After all, Shraddha (Faith) and Saburi (Patience) are the two tenets of Baba’s philosophy.

The sound of people chanting of Sai’s name overpowered my thoughts. Bells intermingled with cries of “Bow to Shri Sai”, and we felt blessed. The smell of incense was all around, and the air filled with purity.

People of all castes, religions stood united by their faith. No jostling, no turmoil on their faces. Just a longing to be united with their Master. The journey was long, with 3 halls to be passed through, but time was immaterial here. The maze like queues reminded me of a labyrinth. Like a journey one takes inward, often stopping at places oft visited.

We went through the first hall, then the second, and the third. How far, till we meet Sai Baba? We asked a man. He informed us we were almost there. He was making his regular monthly trip from Hyderabad with his family. On finding that we were from Pune, he was surprised to know were coming here after long. Then suddenly he said, “Sai Baba wants you to focus on your duties, do your job, earn money, and look after your families first. Only after that he wants you to come here. And anyway, isn’t he in your hearts?” We looked at him stunned. He just smiled and went on.

And there, we were. We saw him from a distance. We smiled at each other, knowing that it had been worth the wait to get here. We were directed into a line which ensured, we actually got to pay homage to the Samadhi. We felt blessed.

We walked out in a trance, and took in the entire atmosphere of the place. Places that had been graced by his touch. The tree, under which he first appeared, the places he would frequent. And then, it was time for the Arati. We sat outside the temple and listened. My friend read the Shri
Satcharitra, and I meditated. It was the most peaceful hour of our lives. We forgot everything, our pain, who we were, that we had to be home soon, or whether we even had any wishes for Sai Baba.

After the Arati was over, we made our way to the Dixit Wada, which has been converted to a museum of Baba’s belongings. We saw with a childlike reverence, the clothes which he wore, his bed, his palkhi, and some early drawings.

We walked back to the car, in a daze with immense gratitude for the inner peace we had felt in this journey. We felt lighter, as though ALL our burdens had been lifted. We felt content, as though all our needs had been met. We felt one with ourselves, as we never had felt before.

I have continued my journey each time with Baba. Although I haven’t visited Shirdi after that, my readings of the Shri Sai Satcharitra continue. Each time I am in turmoil , and I am tempted to place my wishes before him, I start reading his stories. And my faith resurfaces- in Baba, in myself, and in the gratitude that I continue to have for this Life.

Bow to Shri Sai, and Peace be to all!

The best advice I have received !!

The inspiration for writing this came from a cosmo feature where women were asked to write about the best advice they ever got. So here goes, in no particular order.....

"Marry a man, who you would be proud to walk with and introduce to your family and friends"
From my mother when I was 16. An advice that has been handed down from generations. 

"Don't regret anything that you do. Hindsight will make you think otherwise, but know that you acted with best available information at that time"
From my dad, when I was 18.

"Stop being a victim. You have a choice!"
From my husband, a few months back. It was the wake up call I needed. 

"Your in-laws have made your husband the man he is. Try and remember that when they seem unreasonable."
From my mother, when I was getting married. 

"Jump into anything, with an awareness of the consequences of your decision. If you are jumping in a ditch , know that you will get dirty , and don't complain"
From my dad, when I was 18.

"All men are $€%##! I should know I am a guy. Don't trust them blindly"
From my cousin brother in a letter to me when I turned 13.

"When a big ship and a small ship are on a collision path, the smaller ship changes course. It's harder for the bigger ship to move. So is the case with elders in the family."
From my mother last month in a random conversation. My dad told her this when they got married.

"Invest in a house of your own. NOW!"
From my brother, when I got married.

"It's easier and wiser to move from Sales to marketing within your own 
Organization. Make the move within, spend a year and then look outside."
A placement consultant in 2007 when I wad desperately trying to move from sales to marketing.

"Write, Write and Write without expectation of being published, being read or being recognized. The rest will follow."
My creative writing teacher in 2009. 

"Go to your bosses with solutions and not problems. That way, you will always be welcomed."
From my dad, when I started my first job in 1999.


What's the best advice you ever got?

Please write in as a comment to this blog post....

Why I haven't quit my job

Why I haven't quit my job....

So, the buzz has been around and people have been asking me if and why I have quit my job.

I thought it's time to clear the air and clarify why I haven't quit my job...

So here it is...

I have NOT quit my job.

I haven't said NO to my wonderful organization where I spent the better part of my corporate career learning and having fun too.

I haven't said NO to my six figure salary which promptly arrives on the 25th of every month.

I haven't said NO to the adrenalin rush I get when I crack a new deal for the company.

I haven't said NO to the wonderful bosses and colleagues at work who make it worth my while.

I haven't said NO to my fancy designation, that proudly adorns my linkedin profile and my visiting cards.

However......

I have said YES to following my longstanding dream and passion which has driven me for the last three years.

I have said YES to building my own set-up and sharing my learnings with others.

I have said YES to the commitment of focussing on the value I generate through my endeavor for myself and others. So what if it may not immediately reflect in my bank account?

I have said YES to the Immense satisfaction I feel when I hear the words, " You have made a difference to my life".

I have said YES to the innumerable people whose lives I am committed to make worthwhile.

I have said YES to living without a designation for a while and discovering it along the way.

And that's why I haven't quit my job......

I have just said YES to a new job that's taking me closer to my dreams...