Living on a prayer

I used to pray , on bended knee

Only when I felt , something wrong happened to me

Make this right , fix this please 

Give me this , let my life be a breeze!

When my prayers went unanswered 

I felt let down

How could you , God , I trusted you

Do my tears and hard work mean nothing to you?

I used to pray , in difficult times

I would visit temples and bribe him with a dime 

And when he answered some of my prayers

I would feel alright ..

And yet , every now and then

An emptiness within would remain

I'm not doing something right , I felt

Just praying for my personal gain

When I was happy , I would pray

Dear God, let this happiness last ..

Let not the good times roll away fast..

And when they did , I felt betrayed 

Why didn't God keep my problems at bay ?

Until one day , I realised 

I had been doing it all wrong

Praying for this and praying for that

Surely , prayer wasn't meant for that.

I prayed for a friend one day

The next day , I prayed for humanity

I prayed that the trees would stay green

And I was filled with so much serenity

I prayed for him to give me the strength 

To solve my problems and live life with faith 

I prayed for him to give me the wisdom

To share my life with others who didn't have enough 

I prayed , to simply say Thank you !

For even in adversity , I learnt a lot

I prayed and learnt the power of surrender

I let go the need of wanting this and that..

And felt my fear melting away so fast..

I used to live with fear ,

And out of that fear , would come each prayer ..

Now I live with hope and faith...

And out of that faith comes each word of my prayer...

I just close my eyes , knowing that everything is divine surrender ..

And it's beautiful living on a prayer... 

Experiencing Sai

It was a sharp Tuesday morning in Feb 2011. The cold air and the sounds of birds chirping told me I was not in Mumbai. I was in Pune, at my mom’s place. And today, I was finally going to Shirdi. I had been there as a teen. My friend of more than a decade was joining me, and leaving our respective kids behind with my mom, we were set to make this trip.

We sat in the car, not believing that this day had arrived. We were excited for this long awaited trip. When was it that my faith in Sai Baba had surfaced? In a turbulent period a few months back, at my mom’s suggestion, I had read the Sri Sai Satcharitra. It is a book of Sai Baba’s teachings which is to be read over a period of 9 days. The discipline of sitting every morning for an hour and reading the stories was therapeutic. Before I began reading, I placed my wishes before Baba. I was in turmoil, and he was my only hope.

However, as I started reading the chapters, I felt ashamed of myself. How could I ask for materialistic things? How could I read the life and teachings of Sai Baba with a view to get materialistic gains? And from then, on as I read, I felt my turmoil melt away. I read the book with a growing sense of satisfaction and gratitude for my life. I felt the emotions of each story as though I was there. I read with tears flowing, when Baba left this world for his heavenly abode.
And here I was, finally going. It had taken me 6 months to plan the trip. It didn’t matter now.

Its apparent when you get close to Shirdi, as every hotel, restaurant, shop is prefixed as Sai. We parked our car, and were told that cell-phones were not allowed inside the temple. We decided to hide them, and take them anyway.

As we made our way inside the temple, there were so many questions. How long would the queue take? Would we have a peaceful darshan? Would it be rushed? We were constantly interrupted by the many touts promising to take us inside faster. We had decided to go the normal route, no matter how many hours it took. After all, Shraddha (Faith) and Saburi (Patience) are the two tenets of Baba’s philosophy.

The sound of people chanting of Sai’s name overpowered my thoughts. Bells intermingled with cries of “Bow to Shri Sai”, and we felt blessed. The smell of incense was all around, and the air filled with purity.

People of all castes, religions stood united by their faith. No jostling, no turmoil on their faces. Just a longing to be united with their Master. The journey was long, with 3 halls to be passed through, but time was immaterial here. The maze like queues reminded me of a labyrinth. Like a journey one takes inward, often stopping at places oft visited.

We went through the first hall, then the second, and the third. How far, till we meet Sai Baba? We asked a man. He informed us we were almost there. He was making his regular monthly trip from Hyderabad with his family. On finding that we were from Pune, he was surprised to know were coming here after long. Then suddenly he said, “Sai Baba wants you to focus on your duties, do your job, earn money, and look after your families first. Only after that he wants you to come here. And anyway, isn’t he in your hearts?” We looked at him stunned. He just smiled and went on.

And there, we were. We saw him from a distance. We smiled at each other, knowing that it had been worth the wait to get here. We were directed into a line which ensured, we actually got to pay homage to the Samadhi. We felt blessed.

We walked out in a trance, and took in the entire atmosphere of the place. Places that had been graced by his touch. The tree, under which he first appeared, the places he would frequent. And then, it was time for the Arati. We sat outside the temple and listened. My friend read the Shri
Satcharitra, and I meditated. It was the most peaceful hour of our lives. We forgot everything, our pain, who we were, that we had to be home soon, or whether we even had any wishes for Sai Baba.

After the Arati was over, we made our way to the Dixit Wada, which has been converted to a museum of Baba’s belongings. We saw with a childlike reverence, the clothes which he wore, his bed, his palkhi, and some early drawings.

We walked back to the car, in a daze with immense gratitude for the inner peace we had felt in this journey. We felt lighter, as though ALL our burdens had been lifted. We felt content, as though all our needs had been met. We felt one with ourselves, as we never had felt before.

I have continued my journey each time with Baba. Although I haven’t visited Shirdi after that, my readings of the Shri Sai Satcharitra continue. Each time I am in turmoil , and I am tempted to place my wishes before him, I start reading his stories. And my faith resurfaces- in Baba, in myself, and in the gratitude that I continue to have for this Life.

Bow to Shri Sai, and Peace be to all!